As The Ruin Falls

Written by C.S. Lewis

All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you
I've never had a selfless thought since I was born
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through
I want God, you, all friends merely to serve my turn

Peace, reassurance, pleasure are the goals I seek
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin
I talk of love, a scholar's parrot may talk greek
but, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin

Only that now you have taught me, but how late my lack,
I see the chasm and everything you are was making my heart into a bridge,
by which I might get back from exile and grow man...
and now the bridge is breaking

For this I bless you as the ruin falls
the pains you give me are more precious than all other gains.

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I include this poem because it presents a very honest assessment of what it means to be a Christian by one of the world's most popular Christian authors, C.S. Lewis.

This poem is not dated but I believe that it was written to express his thoughts as his wife, Joy Davidman, was being taken away from him by cancer. At this point in his life Lewis has been a Christian for many years and many of the books he has written have become Christian classics.

All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you
I've never had a selfless thought since I was born
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through
I want God, you, all friends merely to serve my turn

Here, Lewis expresses the normal Christian life in the harshest terms. This is in stark contrast to the contemporary worship service where the choruses are designed to tell God how wonderful we are as we selflessly give ourselves in worship to Him.

Peace, reassurance, pleasure are the goals I seek
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin
I talk of love, a scholar's parrot may talk greek
but, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin

Lewis adds to the selfishness expressed in the first stanza the fact that, even as Christians, we have no choice. We cannot crawl out of the prison of our flesh.

Only that now you have taught me, but how late my lack,
I see the chasm and everything you are was making my heart into a bridge,
by which I might get back from exile and grow man...
and now the bridge is breaking

Joy has taught Lewis his true nature. How easy it is for us to pretend that we are Christlike before that moment when someone comes into our lives and forces us to "crawl outside our proper skin".

For this I bless you as the ruin falls
the pains you give me are more precious than all other gains.

The ruin is the facade of Christlikeness that Lewis had before Joy came into his life. The pains that Joy's leaving gave to Lewis made him realize that he was finally becoming able to grow out of his selfishness.